The best part about travelling on my own is that I don’t have to spend time with other people. The worst part is the faffing caused by my crippling indecisiveness. I can’t choose what food to order if there’s more than one vegetarian option, and a varied cocktail menu is my idea of hell. Being completely in charge of my own money and time is a recipe for disaster, or at least a recipe for lots of pacing, lip-biting, and wide-eyed panicking as I try to work out what the hell to do and where the hell to go. I genuinely find decision-making quite stressful and upsetting, even though I know it doesn’t really matter. In some ways it was better when I had no money, because my options were so limited (beach or TV? TV or beach?)
I’m therefore looking to employ someone to make all my decisions for me. You must be capable of making the right decision in all circumstances. I will pay you not in money, but in pats on the head and tidbits from the table. Alternatively, I need to employ a psychotherapist to work through my evident perfectionism and fear of making a minor mistake.
All my life problems were temporarily resolved this morning, when I received both my passport and the emergency money sent from the Bank of Daddy. I’d previously decided that I was going to go straight to Saigon, essentially the capital city of Vietnam except that like, it’s not the capital city (you get me?). I was happy in my certainty, safe from any decision-making for one more day. But then a friendly man called Minh offered me a trip to Dak Lak! Oh no, don’t do this to me Minh! My friend Long’s from Dak Lak, and he’s told me of the elephants that live there. I love elephants! They’re big! I want to go to Dak Lak! But I’ve already packed my bags and booked the bus in preparation for Saigon! I should go to Saigon! But Minh’s got a proper big growly motorbike! I want to go to Dak Lak! But part of the tour includes a brick factory! That sounds so boring! I should go to Saigon! But the name Dak Lak reminds me of the Mighty Ducks, go to Dak Lak! Oh no, now he’s writing the receipt, that’s scary, now I just want to go to Saigon! (And so it continues…for three hours…)
Luckily, for me and for Minh, he’s very good at his job and very persuasive, and he eventually got me to book the trip to Dak Lak (at almost half the price, hell yeah). People who have been to Vietnam before will know about the Easy Rider tours. They’re supposed to be like the anti-bus-tour, where you just pile on a lame bus and tread the same old routes as everyone else. Here, a really cool guy drives you off through the Vietnamese countryside, and you get to see a part of Vietnam off the tourist trail, which is way more interesting for the customer, as well as bringing tourist dollars to areas that don’t see many of them. So it’s decided – tomorrow morning I’m heading to the Central Highlands on a big fat Yahama. There will be waterfalls, elephants, and no brick factory. I will write a report when I get to Saigon on Saturday.
