A bit like a really shit Hells Angel

The best news I have to report is MY MOTORBIKE. I have been scooting round all day playing in traffic and feeling badass. I love it so much.

technically a moped

I'm trying to remember what else I've been doing but my mind is filled with variously driving and being driven around Hanoi on motorbikes. I'm living with my Vietnamese friend at the moment but it was only ever going to be temporary, so I went to look round a different house last night and it is incredible, French-colonial style with what I term a party veranda (alternatively THE LASH BALCONY or perhaps a mezzanine). We might be moving in next month; I want to decorate my room like an opium den and get a pet rat.

pit-stop outside The Ho Chi Minh Mausoleum.
unfortunately Uncle Ho is in Russia at the moment having his beauty treatment so he can't come out and play

After we got back from looking at the house and testing the 24/7 bar round the corner, I was locked out of my house again, so had to stay out drinking until 7am. Then there was more motorbikes.

I did a lesson yesterday on superheroes. For one part, they had to write a story about the adventures of their superhero. One girl wrote about her superhero fisting a girl when she meant flirting with a girl.

this is the best food I have ever eaten

mad surface tension skillz

I've been so busy that I think I should have other things to report but I don't know what they are. I have tomorrow off so I'm going to do more exploring, and I want to sit in a cafe and learn some more Vietnamese.

Everything is going very well and I am very happy.

Noodle time.

I need to learn the Vietnamese for "No, I don't want to ride your fucking moto"

I have been busy busy busy with time-consuming activities such as moving into a new house, working, drinking, getting locked out of said new house, and subsequently roaming the streets late at night. A taxi driver told me I was special and I asked if I was married, so for the record: I'm married and I have three children. I can't distinguish between the Vietnamese for 'ten' and the Vietnamese for 'fuck'. I gave a private pronunciation lesson and was paid in not only money, but also in beer, spaghetti and compliments. I have made several new friends, and a surprising proportion are Irish. My new housemate is called Thoa; she is both awesome and useful. She's giving me a moped lesson tomorrow morning. I feel permanently conspicuous, wherever I go. I haven't taken any more photos.

Sweaty, again.

I love Hanoi even more. After a mighty 4 hours of sleep, I got up at like 6am this morning to go for my first run, around the park/lake right by where I'm staying. I did this at such an umseemly hour because I thought it would be (a) quieter and (b) cooler. It was neither of those things - this is still Hanoi.

But it was AWESOME. So many people are out at that time exercising, I swear I got less weird looks than I do ambling along with my head stuck in a map. And whilst you'd get loads of people exercising at any park in London at that time, they'd all be running, or maybe cycling. But this morning in the park I saw:
(1) Running
(2) Tai chi
(3) Yoga
(4) A man selling turkey chicks from a crate (this one isn't really a sport)
(5) Badminton
(6) Football
(7) A big-scale, lakeside aerobics class
(8) A lady kind of...vibrating
(9) My favourite: ballroom dancing

And the cold shower when I got back was phenomenal.

No. We have no size for you.

Some pretty pictures from last night:




Today was my first day at work. I freaked out a bit first thing when I had to sign the contract, due to my chronic fear of commitment, but my mood improved when we started talking about teaching Kindy classes (aged 4-6, super-cute) and I found out about the free Vietnamese lessons we can get. And I'm going to buy a motorbike!! (Sorry Mummy.)
The people seem alright, one girl is really cool although she isn't working at the same centre as me so I don't know if I'll see her much. We attempted clothes shopping - this girl is probably an English 8/10 yet is a Vietnamese size XL. I'm going to cut back on the noodles.

I'm currently sitting in the dark feeling grumpy and tired - going to go find a bar; perhaps get me some friends.

Lastly, this article makes me feel superior and mature: Gap year wankers

Sweaty.

I spent this morning wandering around in wide-mouthed awe, dodging mopeds and leaving my laptop behind in unwise locations. It is very sweaty here. I like how the air hangs really thick around you, and smells of a mixture of fruit and smoke and petrol, with occasional bursts of frying or coffee (I am so poetic).

Even though it's so hectic (crossing the road is an adventure in itself), there are lakes dotted around, and people sitting around in the street having a meal, or a sleep. Random people say hello or smile, although this may be because I am a huge ghostly squid and look really weird.
But there's a nice atmosphere; I feel like people don't take things too seriously here. Maybe I'm just romanticising it.

This guy has the right idea.

I also enjoyed the badass policemen/military sitting on their motorbikes on street corners, aviators on, fag in mouth, making sure that order is being upheld. It felt inappropriate to take a photo; however, this picture gives a good approximation of what they looked like to my eyes:


I personally felt very badass and brave scooting around in the insane traffic on the back of a motorbike. It was short-lived; a few minutes later I saw two kids on rollerblades holding onto the back of one. Also kudos to the man with a tree on the back of his moped.

I was talking to a girl who works at the hostel, and her roommate has just moved out so she needs a new one. We went to look at her room (yay more motorbike!!) and it's in a really cool neighbourhood; less tourists, but loads of shops and restaurants and people. Then down a little alley way, up some stairs on the top floor. I love the location, and I love the balcony, and this girl seems really cool (and I love that it costs $45/month) - I'm just not sure I could share a double bed in a room with no aircon and get any sleep whatsoever. I need to look around more.

This was my lunch. Tofu and ginger is like all my birthday cakes come at once.

That picture has made me hungry again...time for more exploring and some dinner.
(Blogging takes ages!)

In ur airport, steelin ur wifi

I'm at Hong Kong airport, so probably won't make it to Spoons tonight (sorry Will). On my flight I watched Shrek and slept for a long time. The men are short and the girls are pretty. I'm drinking soya milk, but am yet to encounter any noodles. The best is yet to come.

Blog is a funny word

I started this blog a while ago, but as a scroll-down will reveal, it hasn't been very busy. Apparently I never had very much to say for myself when I spent all my time either (a) reading about logic in the dark or (b) drunk.

BUT NOW...
My life's going to involve fun things, like temples and motorbikes and noodles and monsoons and...grammar...and children...and like, culture, and stuff...well I don't know what it's going to involve. But I'm going to write about it, and I'm going to take photos too, and maybe post other cool things I come across.

So check back here to join me on my totally cultural and spiritual and political exchange yah?